“I’ve Never Assaulted Anyone!” Are you sure about that?

A guy said: I’ve NEVER once raped or abused anyone…

Are you so sure?

There are a lot of people clamoring about “enthusiastic” consent, and if the woman isn’t enthusiastic about it, then it’s not really consent.


Did a woman reluctantly give in because you joked about having blue balls and badgered her into it? Do you know what badgering even sounds like to a woman? I doubt it.

How do you know you didn’t?

Did you call a woman a cock tease because she said no?

Did you ask a woman ten times over the course of ten weeks and she finally said yes?

Has a woman ever avoided you for months after having sex? It’s probably because she really didn’t want to but you made it seem like she had no choice.

I’m not saying you absolutely did this.

But can you absolutely say you never did?

It can be so subtle that dudes don’t even know they’re doing it.

So, sure, YOU don’t think you ever have…but if I asked all the women you ever fucked, would they have a different story?

“We had a 10 yr consensual relationship, so I didn’t rape her.”

[Paraphrased] “We had a 10 yr consensual relationship, so I didn’t rape her.”

This is what Harvey Weinstein is using as his excuse for one of his accusers.

Okay, here’s the thing, tubby. Spousal rape is a real thing. It’s a law in all 50 states that a husband may not force himself on his wife. Husband and wife is a consensual relationship too; but if she says no or otherwise is reluctant and he has sex with her anyway, then that husband is guilty of rape.

A wife can withdraw her consent. She can choose to NOT GIVE her consent for any sexual interlude. It is her right. If a wife can do that, so can the women you hold power over but aren’t married to.

A woman, any woman, can say yes 1000 times. If she says no on the 1001st and you fuck her anyway, you are a rapist.

If she changes her mind in the middle of intercourse and wants to stop, you have to stop or you’re a rapist.

That’s how consent works out there in the vanilla/decent society world you work in.

I didn’t decide this. The courts did. I can’t wait to hear the “GUILTY on all counts” verdict come back on you.

I hope your cell is right next to Bill Cosby’s…and I’ll see you both (and your lawyers) in Hell, where your rapist (excusatory) asses will be MINE.

Carbon Monoxide Scare

Well that was fun. (10pm 4-25-2018)

Just had the fire department over to check for carbon monoxide. Duchess’ meter went off. Reset it to see if it would go off again. A few minutes later it went off. Reset it and moved it to another location to see if it would go off again. It did. It went off a third time ON TOP OF the corner of her bed.

So we took a walk to the fire department across the street to ask them to come check for us. I’m really glad I did.

I expected a guy or two to come over, right?

Oh hell no. The entire fire brigade came through our apartment. lolol Fully coats and helmets, pikes and fire extinguishers. They were all completely kitted out. I’m sure the various neighbors had a terrific “hey, what’s happening?” moment.

While not dangerous levels, they were getting elevated readings in every room. They found nothing in the other second floor apartment. Nothing downstairs. Nothing in the basement either. Literally just our unit.

Meters going throughout the apartment, they figured out it was the stove, and had us open all the windows while they pulled out the stove and turned the gas off (mostly off). Levels did start to go down with the ventilation. Fortunately, it wasn’t a very cold evening. With 55 degrees, but humid and foggy, the air coming in was quite pleasant.

Con Ed came about half an hour after the FDNY left, to do their thing. The technician found that the pilot light on one side of the stove had been up too high and was burning its own soot under the bottom of the stove top. That created carbon monoxide all the time. Plus the valve itself didn’t shut completely off when the fire department turned it off.

We might need a new stove, but the landlord has it under warranty. We’ll see what happens.

We’re without a stove for a day or two, but that’s okay. We’ll have Chinese tonight. lol I am considering getting an induction burner. I might not get it in time to deal with this event, but in the future and on hot days it could be a handy thing to have.

All is well. The FDNY and Con Ed tech were really kind about coming up, assured us we’d done the right thing in not delaying. With all the news reports of entire families dying of carbon monoxide poisoning, I wasn’t about to let it go.

So this is me telling you…if your carbon monoxide detector is going off, don’t ignore it.

We were very fortunate that it was very low levels; but it could easily have become much worse if we hadn’t taken it seriously.

PS…the one in Duchess’ room was the freebie I’d gotten from Con Ed. They sent a card shortly after we moved in, offering a free $30 detector. I got it for the heck of it, put it in Duchess’ room at the baseboard.

Her room is across the living room, down a twelve foot hallway, then three feet left into her room, then another eight feet back to the wall. THAT was the detector that went off. THAT far from the source.

I think the carbon monoxide was going through the electrical outlet on this side of the wall her room shares with the living room.

How to Turn Off App Permissions on Your Android Phone.

Dearest Friends
As some of you have probably already had pop up in your Facebook feed, I’ve just received the “we banned this app. One of your friends used it to log into FB and your information may have been shared…blahblahblah.”

We all use a dozen apps in a single day. Maybe more. Anytime we download one to our phone, it demands access to a pile of information, from contacts and camera to microphone and location.

All the apps want that, whether we want to share or not. If we don’t allow it, they won’t let us download. So we have to accept it when downloading.
But we can stop it from continuing the very next minute.
For android phones, if you click SETTINGS, then APPS, then look in the upper right hand corner to see if there are three dots.
Tap the three dots. One of the selections is “App Permissions.” Tap that. (If you don’t have the three dots, look around different apps sections and see where the permissions are for your version of operating system.)
On the next screen after you tap the dots is a list. Contacts, microphone, camera, etc.
Go through each one and turn off any app you don’t want to access that feature.
For example, people are worried about facebook listening in when it’s not actually needed. During the grilling in Congress, Zuckman said FB doesn’t listen in; but this was a huge thing when access to the microphone first came out a year or so ago. Well, you can turn off that microphone.
I’ve turned off the microphone for everything except Google (okay, google, what time is it in…needs the microphone), and so does Messages. But I turned it off for FB Messenger. It sends your actual voice recording, not a text transcript, so that’s no use to me.
Camera. I’ve turned that off for most all the apps except FB, Messages, FB Messenger. I’ve turned off location for my contacts. Why the contacts need to access my location is beyond me.
If ever you find that you turned one off and it actually does impact usability, you can always go back and turn it on again.
I also went through my apps and deleted some that I no longer play on my phone, like Farm Heroes and Fishdom. I can always re-download if my interest in them returns.
The point is that we’re not completely helpless.
The tools to take back some control are there. You just have to know where to find them.

Arlyn & Mal de Debarquement Syndrome

It’s REAL and I believe you.

Thousands of people depart to go on a cruise every single day. It’s a huge industry.

Would you want to take that seven day Caribbean cruise if you knew there was the distinct possibility that you could get off the ship and never be the same ever again? I don’t mean that the fantastic experience of seeing new and exotic places, ancient ruins and historical buildings has changed your outlook on life.

I mean you get off the ship and the world feels as though you never disembarked. The world continues to rock and sway just like the ship did, to the degree that you cannot walk a straight line and have great difficulty doing ordinary things like putting on your underpants or repeatedly bending over to do laundry.

Is this a real thing, or have I manufactured it to create a form of conflict a fiction novel?

I assure you, I’m not making anything up. I’ve created some awful tortures and gross deaths. This is so insidious that I don’t think even I could ever conjure it up.

It is called Mal de Debarquement Syndrome (MDDS) and it is horrifically real. I know someone who is afflicted, and her story has inspired me to include the condition as a major underlying theme in my novel Arlyn: Adjutant & Apostle.

Many medical professionals have never heard of this, and will actually tell a patient it’s in their head. Some sufferers go to doctor after doctor, perhaps 8 to 10 physicians, before finding one who recognizes the symptoms and puts the mystery together.

Having the diagnosis does not mean it will go away, however. If you do a search for the term, you’ll find a study or two, and a website or two dedicated to educating the populace. The information is interesting but limited. The single greatest source of information, cruise lines, won’t cooperate in gathering information. Having the condition more widely known might hurt their bottom line, you see. It’s an unfortunate fact of big business to ignore that which may do them harm and hope no one notices.

The average sufferer is a woman between 35 and 55. Some may have had her period during the voyage, but the correlation is not proven. However, a girl aged 15 is noted, as is a woman nearly 70 years old. Men also get the condition, but in far fewer numbers. It also can happen from simple things like riding an escalator or an elevator, riding a train, though I did not find statistics on the frequency of those incidents. While we cannot point one single finger at the cruise lines, it’s impossible to ask an elevator to gather statistics on people who get off and the world is swaying for the rest of their lives.

If you really want to understand how horrific this affliction is, read the discussion boards. You will get a blunt and heart-wrenching view of daily life with MDDS, straight from the fingers of those who suffer it. Some have endured it for decades. Some were fortunate that it went away within a few months. It seems the longer a person has symptoms, the more likely it will be permanent.

See, there is no cure. There’s not likely to be one because there’s not enough work being done for it. There really isn’t much of any treatment either. Doctors try this drug and that drug, usually antidepressants. But if the syndrome is linked to hormones and hormonal changes (such as before, during, and immediately after a woman’s period), antidepressants really aren’t going to do much of anything.

Lying down helps some people, but makes it worse for others. People have to go to work. How can you go to work when you can’t sit up or sit at a desk? If the world is rocking so much you can’t sit up for more than a few minutes at a time, how are you supposed to drive yourself anywhere? Maybe the motion of the car might help, but that’s not certain for everyone who has the condition. Some sufferers are completely incapacitated and are disabled for the duration of their affliction. Might be half a year. Might be a year and a half. What if you’re still afflicted ten years later?

Sure, there are good days and bad days, but simply walking a curved path or watching a video of a person on a horse could change a good day into a horrible day. If it goes away, there is always the fear that it will come back again, at any time.

I was compelled to bring more attention to this vicious condition. I asked question after question of my friend, and she was as enthusiastic as I about spreading word of the ailment.

Once I felt I had what I needed, I stopped working on the last third of a book and went back to the beginning to edit in instances of the condition. I spent several days reading and finding places where it would assert itself, building slowly in frequency and intensity.

I believe I’ve created a compelling story. Certainly it is a topic not covered in any fiction book I’ve ever heard of. A search of Amazon for the name of the condition finds nothing more than album titles and a mention as a very small part of a much larger book about balance disorders.

There is an experimental treatment of subjecting a person to opposite motion from those that make them ill, with modest success; but it is years away from being available as a treatment. Then we have to talk about insurance even covering it. There is a billing code for the condition, but that says nothing about coverage.

Quite simply, there is no fiction story out there like this one.

There are, however, thousands of sufferers who have no hope for an actual cure. I cannot help them suffer less; but perhaps I can help others to understand better what those with the condition are going through.

It’s REAL and I believe you.

And you are not alone.

Arlyn: Adjutant & Apostle will be available to read on Halloween, 2017
To Purchase, Click Here

If this sounds like someone you know, please share this blog with them.


Author Marketing Club — Resources for Authors

From the start, I’ve enjoyed making my own book covers. From Peeper’s very simple pair of eyes (my eyes, no less) and The Healer’s elegant pair of hands to the sexier covers of Peeper Ascendant, Arlyn the Deliverer and Last Holy Woman of Mida and the more whimsical cover of Peeper of Gloriana, I have always considered making the covers to be one of the most important parts of creating my books. There are times I’ve wanted to do more, but purchasing things like Photoshop are expensive, even if the cost comes out of the taxes come April.

Today, I saw a website on which artists have posted pre-made covers. You pick the one you like and buy it (as low as $25) and work with the artist to finish the cover and it’s yours. No one else can use that cover. What a fantastic idea! I did sign up as a member so I can look and see if something pops out at me for some book at some point down the line, and now I’m sharing the information.

Author Marketing Club — for those who aren’t as artsy with images as they are with words. There are ways to promote your books, forums to discuss issues, and much more. I’m not ready to be a paying member right now, but I might consider it in the future.